The Break is over

Guess who’s back? Back again? Kida’s back! Tell a friend! Now everyone report to the Blog page, to the blog page, to the blog page. Now everyone report to the blog page, alright stop…..Rambling time!

You have no idea how much fun I had with that just now. Seriously. Slim Shady is always a means for good fun.

Anywho.

I took a break for pretty much the entire month of december because, well, it’s the holidays; time for eating, sleeping, fun, more sleep, shenanigans, and elicit activities. For me, it was just mostly sleeping and eating and cuddling.

Yes, I said cuddling.

I had the best surprise ever this christmas. On Christmas day itself the love of my life (hush) returned from Germany! I wasn’t expecting it all because I was thoroughly lied to! I was told he would not be coming at all until summer of 2013 because of some passport nonsense of the other, but it was just one big lie the whole time! I don’t trust anything he says now about when he is coming again but it was the best surprise ever. Like the child I am, I cried like a big slobbering baby when he came. Our daughter on the hand, because she’s much more mature than I am at just 4 months old, just stared at him, while probably wonder if she could spit and dribble on this guy too. Needless to say, she did. Mission Accomplished on Baby’s part.

He spent almost everyday at my place, learning the ways of parenthood and emptying out his pockets because babies are expensive and this one plans to eat us out of house and home. We went a few times, nothing fancy, but each moment was still precious. I think Shira (our daughter) has a love//hate thing with him because he insists on “Cutting her cheeks.” The fool enjoyed making a scissors with his fingers and squeezing poor Shira’s cheeks between them (Not hard of course). She hates it. Oh and there was his habit of making her follow his iphone, and telling her “Let’s sleep” when he knows she had no intentions of sleeping.Sigh. I think I have two kids now that I think about it.

Him aside, December to Early January marked the beginning of the 60th anniversary of the Crucian Christmas festival. It was huge, it was grand, it was filled with dancing, parades, lights, costumes, food, music, rides, games, food, wild and worthless behavior and food! I saw many faces that thought I had disappeared from the planet because I am such an antisocial person that refuses to leave her house. If I had a dollar for everyone that said “That’s Markida? or Markida that’s you?” I would probably be swimming in cash right about now.

But it has come to a close and now begins the start of Spring Semester 2013. I have four classes this semester, and I am actually looking forward to them. Can’t wait! I plan to work hard and Play hard this semester! It’s a new year and I would like to start getting my life on track.

Peace.

I wanna grow old with you

If there was ever a song that would perfectly describe how I feel about my relationship, it would be “I wanna grow old with you” by Westlife. I try not to be overly sappy, but there has never been a song that speaks so clearly to me. It was to the point that I Actually cried listening to it, and like the fool that I am, I had the song on repeat so the tears didn’t stop any time. As a matter of fact, I’m laying here right now (or was by the time yall read this) tearing up, and singing along in the worst, sobbing, hysterical voice right now.

“Another day Without your smile. Another day just passes by, But now I know How much it means For you to stay Right here with me

It’s been ten very long months without him. I know people are probably thinking “that’s not very long” but truth be told, we’re almost always separated. When we first got together I wasn’t there to spend Christmas with him, then there was school, then summer came and I was on vacation again. We managed to spend one Christmas together and in February, he was gone, and I haven’t seen him since.

“The time we spent apart will make our love grow stronger But it hurt so bad I can’t take it any longer”

I’ve been doing a great job at holding it together in front of everyone. And we have a daughter, the most beautiful little girl I’ve ever seen, and who knows when she’ll see him. I keep hoping for the coming summer because we already know he won’t be here for Christmas. The joys of the military huh. It really hurts you know. Not seeing him. I look forward to hearing his voice every time, even if it’s just for two measly minutes it’s better than nothing. I try not to let myself cry, and I hide his statuses on facebook. Yeah, I don’t want to see. If I have to, I’ll just go on his page when I feel like it, but I can’t take having to see him pop up, always right when I’m thinking about him, and then having to go sob like a big baby because I get all emotional. But when it comes down to it, when we see each other again, I’m going to cherish every waking moment.

“A thousand miles between us now. It causes me to wonder how Our love tonight remains so strong.It makes our risk right all along”

I wish he were stationed in America. At least then the chances of seeing him would have been greater, but he’s not. Our luck is terrible. Of course he would be stationed in Germany. Another country, five/six hour difference. When I’m asleep, he’s just waking up. We’re lucky to be up at the same time. If I’m up with him, he has to work, and then he’s probably too tired after that. I’m okay with a good morning/good night text here and there. At least he’s thinking of me. I send him pictures everyday. Even if we don’t talk, I like him to know I’m thinking of him too. Always. Every minute.

“Things can come and go I know but  Baby I believe Something’s burning strong between us”

I get a lot of questions about our relationship. I get a lot of doubts as well. How long will it last? How soon before the distance becomes too much? Will you get married? What if he’s cheating on you? I try not to think about any of these things. We’re in love. I know it, he knows it. We don’t harass each other online. There’s no need. People wonder about that too. They always have something negative to comment about. We don’t need to broadcast it to the world.

Him and I, we used to argue so much. Majority of it was me and my insecurities. I always had a problem with something. That’s changed. I couldn’t tell you the last time we fought. There’s nothing to fight about. I can’t stand to see couples fighting over little things now. You should be grateful you have your loved one so close to you. Enjoy it. You never know when you’ll end up separated.

“I wanna grow old with you I wanna die lying in your arms. I wanna grow old with you I wanna be looking in your eyes. I wanna be there for you, Sharing everything you do.”

For now, I’ll settle with what I can get. Damn I miss him. He’s always worried our daughter willl cry when she finally sees him. Truth be told, the two of them will probably be laughing and I’ll be the one in tears. I just want my family whole again. I’ll be counting down the days until that time comes.

“I wanna grow old with you”

Wattpad Story

So, I’ve been on wattpad for almost two years now and have never written a story. The sad thing is, I have actually started writing stories before that. I was honestly too afraid to let anyone read them because I was terrified of the feedback I would get. Also, I just had no idea where I was going with these stories. I wrote them, but didn’t have a plot. I was just going with the flow.

Well, now I’ve been putting thought into them and have decided to upload one of them onto wattpad. It would be lovely to have readers, though I must admit they are a bit mature so view discretion is advised. I don’t think they’re that explicit but I already got one comment saying that they were too immature to read the story. So, you can’t say I didn’t warn you.

The other story is currently being edited. I’m practically doing the whole thing over.  But anyways if you’re on wattpad it would be nice if you read my story, vote for it as well if you please (I would love that), and leave a comment if you have any suggestions or critiques! I thank you all!

Here is the link

http://www.wattpad.com/story/3183195-a-feral-affair

The Road to a new body

381790_157265141086023_1509901448_nI’m fat. No, okay I’m not really fat, I’m just really out of shape for someone who’s only 20 years old (Just turned 20 in October). To make matters worse, I just had a baby as well so I’ve go that “baby” fat to lose as well. In my mind ,I am extremely motivated and full of energy and ready to shed those pounds. But in reality I am nowhere near there. I exercise everyday but not long. I get tired really fast and find myself taking more breaks than actually working out.I’m getting better though! I notice that I can do certain ones longer than before, but I’m still not there. Honestly, I want to be healthy. I’m learning to cut out all the junk food, the sodas, the sweets. Fried and greasy foods are also a no go. It was the hardest thing ever. I caved and had Mcdonalds Yesterday. Fries never tasted so good. Then I just felt awful. That was my only mishap though. Water and Fruits are becoming my best friends. I’ve discovered the greatness that is salad without dressing (I don’t like how dressing of any kind tastes. Ick.) But I’m still a tubby Tubby. I’ve been wondering if maybe I should do it piece by piece. Like, I decided to work on my legs first and move on up.

I have no upper body strength whatsoever. Can’t even do 5 pushups without feeling like I’m going to die.  I know I can’t expect to change my whole lifestyle in just two months, but it would be awesome if I could. I guess it’ll just take some time and getting used to. I hate my metabolism too. I think I burn food too slowly.  I envy people who can eat a horse and still be fine. I eat two fries and gain 6 pounds, that’s just unfair. Oh! If you must know what I look like, this is me (picture in top left hand corner). Now I know what you’re thinking, but trust me, that’s just the illusion and greatness of taking a picture from the front. From the side I’m a tubbykins. Why do they call those things love handles when there is nothing to love about them? Yeah I have those too.

I think I might get myself a personal trainer. And I love beaches so I just might start taking some runs there as well. The more I think about it and plan the more fun it seems. Might even take some Zumba classes. I lack coordination though. But it looks like fun! Really, I just want to look and feel great. Not for anyone, but for myself….and mostly because I want to look good naked. Come on, who doesn’t?

Why So Ugly?

So I have been called Ugly on many occasions.

What a way to lead a post huh? But it’s true. Many a time I have been called Ugly or it was implied that I was. Now, the opinion of others truly do not matter to me (sometimes), but it was something I felt I should write about.

Who or what truly defines beauty?

I often wonder if popularity determines beauty.

Perhaps the amount of times you’ve carelessly thrown your Cooch Or Penis around determines this.

Have you ever noticed how the most whorish of people are called beautiful? And they seem to let that go to their head and try to put down others?

Initially, that last part is what I really wanted to talk about.

I understand you know that you are good looking, but why must you try to bring down others you FEEL are less desirable looking to you? Does it make you feel better about yourself? What is it that you get from trying to make others feel terrible about themselves? Where you bullied as a  child? Is there a hole somewhere inside of you that needs to be filled? Perhaps you need a hug. Maybe you weren’t loved properly as a child. Or maybe you realize that you are nothing more than a sex symbol and seeing someone that doesn’t need to partake in sexual activities to look good makes you feel like utter crap and you take out your frustrations on them to uplift yourself. Is that it?

Whatever the reason, I hope you realize how detestable that makes you look on the inside. And no amount of makeup can ever clean up the Tar that you have built up around your personality and you are by far uglier than anyone else will ever be. And when you look in the mirror, I hope it shatters and you realize just how horrible of a person you truly are.

Life Roads

open-road

Many times, the reason people fail is because they stop trying.

If You don’t give up on getting where you want to go, then you’re not on the wrong road; Even if the place you arrive at isn’t the one you were hoping for.

From there, just pick out another road and keep moving.

If you do that, eventually, you will arrive at your destination.

Just because you took the wrong path doesn’t mean you’ve failed.

Even if you end up on the worst road possible, even if it seems like the roughest, most difficult path ever, don’t give up.

It just takes a little determination to get there.

In the end, every road is a new experience, and a new lesson; It gets you somewhere.

Learn from the Journey, don’t focus on the destination.

Because All roads, even the wrong ones, are connected to the place you are looking for.

The Devil Wears Heels

I’m not much of a girly girl at all.

Now and again I may break out in a moment where I do the hair thing and the makeup (cough not really cough), but I really just can’t get into it like a lot of my friends. I’m not into keeping up with the latest fashion, I don’t care about style. I just want to be comfortable. I prefer T-shirts 3 times my size and hoodies and I love jeans. Most of the time I’m not even wearing clothes. I’ll be damned if I have to be fully clothed in my own home. I don’t do my hair often and I wear a durag on my head most of the time or I’m rocking the ponytail to its death. Shoe wise? My biggest problem comes in the form of the devil’s ultimate creation.

High Heels.

I hate those things. Mostly because I can’t walk in them and I can’t walk in them because I had no practice and I had no practice because I never had to wear them! I wasn’t pressured into wearing them. I didn’t have the type of friends that cared about things like that, and my family isn’t one of those families that care about them either. I like my sneakers and sandals. Why would I want to wear Heels, only to have them on for 10 minutes and have to change out of them into sandals anyways because my feet start to hurt? That just seems stupid.

However, lately, I feel like less of a woman because of it.

I look at pictures of everyone else going out and they look so lovely in them and then I look down at my feet and feel so ashamed. I mean, I have awesome legs, it comes with being damn near 6ft tall, so why not show them off? But at the same time I don’t want to embarrass myself and fall flat on my face trying to impress the masses who probably don’t give a damn anyways.

Curse my unstable equilibrium.

I do have some friends who try to get me to wear them and I wish they would understand that they are outside of my comfort zone and maybe they should just leave me alone until I am ready to wear them myself. Forcing me to do it will make me just run from them more. So It may make me a social pariah in the community of women, but that’s okay.

Some of them are really pretty though. I’m tempted on many occasions to buy some and practice walking in them. They do make me feel a lot sexier.

But On the other hand I like to think about it this way.

While They may look better than me wearing them, should there come a time when a derange psychopath chases us on a night out and they’re busy getting out of their shoes, I’ll be hauling ass down the stretch in my slippers.