An Eye for an Eye in the VI

Today, The Virgin Islands lost yet another young man in an act of senseless violence.

Just yesterday I was thinking to myself, it has been a while since someone died over the weekend, and I was praising the change that I thought was coming. I honestly believed that we, as a people, were growing above the pathetic, uncivil and moral less behavior that was becoming a normal custom to the Islands.

But I was wrong.

It saddens me to think that we are still living in such a state. No, It SICKENS me. Had we not learned anything from Monday’s tragedy in Boston? Had we not learned that every life was precious? Apparently not.

What worries me now, is the retaliation that is sure to follow and that soon to come retaliation is why I am writing this post.

The young man was well known and it seems he had many friends. Of them, I saw many posts that spoke of revenge, an eye for an eye. The rage written in these posts sent a shiver down my spine as I know that all it will do is leave yet another bloody and mournful path for us to walk on.

An eye for an eye does not bring justice. Revenge nor any form of vigilante justice will bring peace to his soul. All it will do is create a domino effect and leave a trail of bodies at our wake.

Revenge is never the answer. No matter how much you feel that someone “deserves” death, you are not God, you do not have the right to take the life of another, and all you will be doing is setting yourself up to become the very person that you just put to death.

Murdering a Murderer Makes you a Murderer too.

You cannot fight Hatred with More Hatred.

Do not blind yourself with revenge nor fill your hearts with darkness.

Everyone believes that they are fighting the good fight by wishing death on another after a crime is committed, however, if this keeps up, There won’t be a VI to fight for.

Think about it.

Peace. And R.I.P Troy Dubs Joseph.

New New New

So I am working on becoming a new and improved me. I think it’s about that time. I got a lot out of my system and am now renovating myself. I figure, if I put my best foot forward with this then it will lead to a better and brighter future. For one, I need to break out of my shell completely and go sky diving, but perhaps I should try being less of an introvert. I’m terribly antisocial. I don’t get along with people, especially females, and while I do not necessarily want to change this, I would like to tweak it a little. Who knows, I may have been missing out on meeting some great people because I was always so locked up in myself.

I also got back on the horse and starting writing once again. I am almost at the limit I set for myself as well. Every week, I need to to atleast 9 pages on the story I was working on. I want to hit Chapter 14 before mid April, and then I can start uploading them every week again. This way, I stay ahead of my updates, and ready for the next each and every time. I’m happy with this. Weight loss? I’m in no rush anymore. In fact, I think I may leave the ROTC program that I joined. It’s not for me. I’m not interested in the military and I Can’t finish the whole program anyways because I’m graduating right around the corner. I’ll take my PE classes like I should or PLS. And, I’ll try to hit the gym or at least run around my neighborhood. At home, I can do what I can. Eating healthier will forever take time. So will drinking so much water but If I practice then I know I can do it.

Love? I’m putting love on hold. I need to focus on ME instead of WE because obviously he is focusing on HIM while I’m over here giving myself an aneurysm for no reason. My daughter is who needs my ultimate focus right now. Everyone else can pretty much wait. If not, then oh well.

Personal social networks are dead to me. All they do is put thoughts in my head that don’t need to be there. As such, I’ve already long deleted my twitter and I’m about to say bye bye to facebook. I’ll keep the facebook page for this site however because I like to have more than one outlet. But it won’t be personal use obviously. It will be for my writing whether it is poems, short stories, blog updates and the like.

So, yeah, I did a lot of thinking especially after talking to those closest to me. I’m not doing anything I don’t want to do either so if anyone decides to stop speaking to me for whatever reason then oh well. It’s my life, I shall live it how I want. I need to focus on me. It’s about time I did.  and I’m starting……………

Now.

I just can’t

I can’t picture anyone daydreaming about me.

I can’t picture someone thinking about me when they’re laying in bed before they fall asleep or when they just wake up.

I can’t picture anyone telling their friends about me.

I can’t picture anyone getting butterflies because I hugged them, or even just because I made eye contact with them.

I can’t picture someone smiling because my name lit up their phone.

I just can’t.

Maybe someone does.

But I honestly just can’t picture it.

And it’s sad because I do. Every day. Every moment.

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The Break is over

Guess who’s back? Back again? Kida’s back! Tell a friend! Now everyone report to the Blog page, to the blog page, to the blog page. Now everyone report to the blog page, alright stop…..Rambling time!

You have no idea how much fun I had with that just now. Seriously. Slim Shady is always a means for good fun.

Anywho.

I took a break for pretty much the entire month of december because, well, it’s the holidays; time for eating, sleeping, fun, more sleep, shenanigans, and elicit activities. For me, it was just mostly sleeping and eating and cuddling.

Yes, I said cuddling.

I had the best surprise ever this christmas. On Christmas day itself the love of my life (hush) returned from Germany! I wasn’t expecting it all because I was thoroughly lied to! I was told he would not be coming at all until summer of 2013 because of some passport nonsense of the other, but it was just one big lie the whole time! I don’t trust anything he says now about when he is coming again but it was the best surprise ever. Like the child I am, I cried like a big slobbering baby when he came. Our daughter on the hand, because she’s much more mature than I am at just 4 months old, just stared at him, while probably wonder if she could spit and dribble on this guy too. Needless to say, she did. Mission Accomplished on Baby’s part.

He spent almost everyday at my place, learning the ways of parenthood and emptying out his pockets because babies are expensive and this one plans to eat us out of house and home. We went a few times, nothing fancy, but each moment was still precious. I think Shira (our daughter) has a love//hate thing with him because he insists on “Cutting her cheeks.” The fool enjoyed making a scissors with his fingers and squeezing poor Shira’s cheeks between them (Not hard of course). She hates it. Oh and there was his habit of making her follow his iphone, and telling her “Let’s sleep” when he knows she had no intentions of sleeping.Sigh. I think I have two kids now that I think about it.

Him aside, December to Early January marked the beginning of the 60th anniversary of the Crucian Christmas festival. It was huge, it was grand, it was filled with dancing, parades, lights, costumes, food, music, rides, games, food, wild and worthless behavior and food! I saw many faces that thought I had disappeared from the planet because I am such an antisocial person that refuses to leave her house. If I had a dollar for everyone that said “That’s Markida? or Markida that’s you?” I would probably be swimming in cash right about now.

But it has come to a close and now begins the start of Spring Semester 2013. I have four classes this semester, and I am actually looking forward to them. Can’t wait! I plan to work hard and Play hard this semester! It’s a new year and I would like to start getting my life on track.

Peace.

Life Roads

open-road

Many times, the reason people fail is because they stop trying.

If You don’t give up on getting where you want to go, then you’re not on the wrong road; Even if the place you arrive at isn’t the one you were hoping for.

From there, just pick out another road and keep moving.

If you do that, eventually, you will arrive at your destination.

Just because you took the wrong path doesn’t mean you’ve failed.

Even if you end up on the worst road possible, even if it seems like the roughest, most difficult path ever, don’t give up.

It just takes a little determination to get there.

In the end, every road is a new experience, and a new lesson; It gets you somewhere.

Learn from the Journey, don’t focus on the destination.

Because All roads, even the wrong ones, are connected to the place you are looking for.

At the Wall

Lately, I’ve been an emotional mess.

I cry for no reason, I snap at people for simply asking “Are you okay?”, I feel like burning down houses and then sitting on the ground and crying because the flames would be so pretty and probably because I forgot to take some important things out of the house before committing Arson.

I feel utterly alone even though I really am not, but then I hate to burden others with my problems. Everyone has problems.  What makes mines special?  So I’d sit there, huddled in a corner letting layer upon layer of doubts and concerns and insecurities build over each other until I become stifled and breakdown…Only to repeat the process again. Then I’d make someone who was having a shitty day laugh and be strong for them all the while slowly deteriorating on the inside.

And this is normal…but I say I’ve been a mess because it’s so much worse now.

I always have time for folks. I have too much time on my hands actually. But even when I’m so busy that I might suffocate on all the things I have to do, I always have time for people. After a long day and I’m literally about to collapse on myself, someone would call or text and rather than getting the rest I would so desperately need, I make time for these people…who never have time for me.  How’s the saying go? “If you’re important to another person they will always find a way to make time for you; No excuses, No lies, No broken Promises..”

Ha.

I think I try too hard. I give my all for absolutely no reason. My grandmother always says that it’s supposed to bring good things in the end, but I’m not seeing it. And the messed up part of it all, is that I’m not going to learn. I’m still going to be such a wonderful person to people.

But I’ve hit a wall now.

Before, I used to think that the statement “Tired of being Tired” was stupid. But Now I understand. I am so tired.

I’m at this Wall, and I’m just soo tired…Too tired to climb over it, Too tired to go around it, and far too tired to knock it down.

Instead, I sit and cry infront of this wall, Bitch about how unfair life is and how I just need emotional-support; Whine about the firm hand I need to feel on my back saying “It’s okay, Kida, I’m here for you.”

But when it’s all said and done, I’ll just have puffy red eyes, a running nose, and look at a complete mess.

And the Wall will still be there.

RELATIONSHIPS 101

RELATIONSHIPS 101

1)   If you’re the only one in love, That’s not a relationship. That’s unrequited. Let the other person go. You’re only gonna get hurt. You can’t make someone love you who doesn’t. It just does not work that way.

2)  If they can easily believe what everyone else is saying, but do not want to listen to you for even a second? Let them go. That’s not cool. The whisperers are not the one in the relationship. It’s always better to hear their side before you jump to conclusions.

3)  In my opinion, You cannot love two people. Family love yes, Friends love yes, but you cannot be IN LOVE with two people. How can you split your heart? When you’re in love, you entire heart belongs to one person. If the person you’re with feed you that “I love you both” crap. You need to let them go. In this case, Sharing is not caring hun.

4)  If you frown more than you smile in your relationship, maybe you should let the person go, or you should go. If you’re not happy, then that’s not the place to be. No one should stick around when they’re miserable.

5)  If you can’t be with the person because he eats with a fork and not a spoon, maybe you should be let go, because that’s just ridiculous. Meaning, if the really little insignificant things bother you, you need help.

6)  If You cannot see yourself settling down, and you want to flirt with everything that has a vagina or a penis, maybe you should not be in a relationship. That behavior is for single people. You don’t deserve a relationship.

7)  Clubs are NOT for single people alone, JAMS (island thing I suppose, Consider it the same as a club for mainlanders) are not for single people alone. If you have a girl, or a boy, and you don’t want them to go to these things because you are not going. That spells a trust issue. If there’s no trust, there’s no relationship, just paranoia.

8)  Not every girl or boy they talk to are people they want to have sex with, or cheat on you with. Again, trust issues. If they can’t have male and female friends because of your insecurities. Do not enter a relationship.

9)  Being in a relationship does not mean you have to be attached to the hip every second of every day of every month of every year. (Lot of every’s huh?) Give them some space once in a while. Not too much but just enough. Consider it like taking care of a cat. If you cling too much to them they become irritated, if you give them too much space and neglect them, they run away. Even it out, and it should be fine.

10)  Don’t spy on them. I understand that you want to know things. But You don’t have to know the passwords to everything the person has. Why do you even need it? Again, trust is key. TRUST!

11)  Women and men alike. If the person is willing to cheat on their partner, to go with you, then it should be painfully obvious that they will also cheat on you as well (My Opinion). Also, if a girl or guy is willing to come between your relationship to have you, then the person is not worth being with. That person is despicable, and morally challenged. Your relationshit (as it will be) will die as quickly as it started.

12)  Everyone deserves a second chance unless it is because of the following circumstances:

  •    Cheats on you with ex….They are an EX for a reason! Don’t go back in your trash!
  •     They beat you.. Only masochists enjoy being beaten on. You ain’t no punching bag.
  •   They left you for your sibling……really now?
  •    You passed a second chance and this is your fourth. Stop repeating the same mistake dammit!

13)  Long distance relationships? They work. Some actually do. When you think the person is cheating on you and you end up doing it because you think they are, You might as well just end it with the person because you’re wasting your time and probably just gonna hurt yourself and the person.

14)  If the person’s family is more into the relationship then  you both are? This is a problem. Your parents should not control your relationship. And if you are in one, where your partner’s, or your own parents want to take over, With all due respect, you should tell them to stay out of it. They mean well (or not) but it’s not their place. Same for friends. (I would know, I need to mind my own business now and again too). However, if they are willing to let everyone control it, except for themselves, Maybe you should just break up. Not like you had any say in it anyways.

15)  If they’re quick to give up on you, just let it go. It’s not worth the hassle. You can always find better. Especially if they are quick to flirt with others after. Nothing good comes to them. Just smile, you never know whose watching that just loooves to see it.

Okay, my brain died because my sis just interrupted my entire chain of though. Read it, learn it, live it, love it, bye!

Peace.