Release the brain fart

I began this year doing pretty well with my weight loss. I was putting effort into eating right, I was going to PT on time, I was doing extra PT at home. I mean, I was a fucking beast. I can do at least 3 pushups now. That may not mean much to you, but for someone with no upper body strength and who was pretty much a lazy piece of shit that means plenty! I’m sure I can run and do more situps than I ever could before.

However, now I seem to be going backwards instead of forward. I don’t know what happened. Maybe it was the building stress, maybe it was hormones, maybe it was the lack of sex, who really knows. But one day I got up and I was pretty much going food crazy. I was eating everything like a mad woman.

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I would then look at my growing pudge and tell myself, It’s okay, You can work it off tomorrow…I’m still waiting for tomorrow to come.

I have this one friend that has a habit of putting me down all the time. Friends apparently do that, but there’s a certain tone and process that one goes about when insulting a friend. For one, when you can obviously see that they feel gross, you don’t tell them that they are gross. It hurts, it sucks, and for a while I felt like absolute shit and wanted to stab her in the eye with a ballpoint papermate black ink pen. I sat in my bedroom and wallowed for a bit while the voice in my head was going “I am a fucking loser” with my hands widespread in the air, shouting up to the rainbows. Then I got over it. I literally woke up and said this bitch has nothing on me. And you know why? Because I’m awesome. duh.

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I haven’t written about love in a while and let me tell you, not thinking about that shit has done wonders for my health. I love my boyfriend dearly and although things seemed rough for a moment, I realized that it was all in my head. I was manifesting problems that were not there because my heart is obviously full of shit, So I had to remind her kindly to mind her gotdamn motherfucking business and that her job was pump blood and not a damn thing else.

I’ve seen people do some crazy shit for love and It concerns me a little. I mean, if the world was the kind of place where you had to shoot yourself to show your love, I’m sure a lot of people would be dead. Why? Because they like the attention and want to make it seem like they have the perfect love life. Now, I’m not saying I don’t love my boyfriend enough to shoot myself, but If I had to, I was shooting myself in the leg. The thigh preferably. I mean, I love you, but I’m not a friggin idiot.

To add to that, Have you noticed how people make everything harder than it should be? A yes or not question can turn into an essay sometimes and I think that’s what makes things difficult. Be honest with yourself. Sometimes you may be wrong, but shit, it’s better than beating around the bush. At the end, your choices are what matters. Ask me if I want to beat certain people in the head with a 40 pound rucksack. Of course I do. I’ll tell you yes. I’ll yell it to the high heavens. That doesn’t mean I’m going to do it though….yet.

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Jurassic Park is in 3D, so it’s pretty much like Titanic and the Lion King on the list of movies that are ancient but were remade so you can see the shit flying at you to give you a semi-heart attack and so you can waste your money to see the exact same fucking movie you watched a decade ago.

But I digress.

I saw someone write “Rawr” means I love you in dinosaur. And I admit, I used to write it too because it sounded cute…until I realized how moronic it is. This isn’t “A land before time” Little foot may have made you believe that dinosaurs are cute and musical but Even little foot can stomp the shit out of you on a good day just because she/he/it could. What the hell was little foot anyways? A guy? If so, clearly he needed to hit puberty with that high pitched, whiny voice.

If you have never seen Jurrasic Park or any dinosaur movie, then I suggest you take a gander at them and you will learn that “rawr” doesn’t mean “I love you” it means “I’m going to fucking eat you.”

You know what’s sexy? Suits and Uniform oh, and my guy’s sleepy voice.  I don’t know why but these make my hormones levels raise to heights that would one would consider above and beyond normal.

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Peace.

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Losing Weight

I stopped tracking my weight loss progress because I felt like I was too enamored with with results and not putting in enough effort to get those results.

I woke up this morning, well, afternoon… Tomato tomahto, and I decided to try on this dress that I’ve had in my closet for years. On several occasions I was supposed to wear this dress, but my body would not fit in it, and if it did, the zipper would not yield to my direction and go up.

I was prepared to face defeat once again as I tried on the dress, shimmying my rump into the fabric. As I zipped myself up, thinking “Here we go again” I realized that the zipper had yet to stick.

And then I was in it.

After years of not being able to get into the damned thing, it went on with far too much ease. For a moment, I assumed I was still dreaming, until my grandmother walked in and Told me that If I bent over it would probably fall apart. There is probably some truth to that. While I did fit into the dress, I feared that the right deep breath or the odd position would unravel the entire thing.

BUT DAMN DID I FEEL GOOD GETTING INTO IT!

So, I count this is as progress. I hope that one day I can wear it and bend over and nothing happens.

Till then, I’lll continue with my walks, runs, and other fitness routines. Fitting into this dress is but one goal accomplished. Until I have abs, then I have not reached my goal.

Peace and WOOHOO to me!

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The Road to a new body

381790_157265141086023_1509901448_nI’m fat. No, okay I’m not really fat, I’m just really out of shape for someone who’s only 20 years old (Just turned 20 in October). To make matters worse, I just had a baby as well so I’ve go that “baby” fat to lose as well. In my mind ,I am extremely motivated and full of energy and ready to shed those pounds. But in reality I am nowhere near there. I exercise everyday but not long. I get tired really fast and find myself taking more breaks than actually working out.I’m getting better though! I notice that I can do certain ones longer than before, but I’m still not there. Honestly, I want to be healthy. I’m learning to cut out all the junk food, the sodas, the sweets. Fried and greasy foods are also a no go. It was the hardest thing ever. I caved and had Mcdonalds Yesterday. Fries never tasted so good. Then I just felt awful. That was my only mishap though. Water and Fruits are becoming my best friends. I’ve discovered the greatness that is salad without dressing (I don’t like how dressing of any kind tastes. Ick.) But I’m still a tubby Tubby. I’ve been wondering if maybe I should do it piece by piece. Like, I decided to work on my legs first and move on up.

I have no upper body strength whatsoever. Can’t even do 5 pushups without feeling like I’m going to die.  I know I can’t expect to change my whole lifestyle in just two months, but it would be awesome if I could. I guess it’ll just take some time and getting used to. I hate my metabolism too. I think I burn food too slowly.  I envy people who can eat a horse and still be fine. I eat two fries and gain 6 pounds, that’s just unfair. Oh! If you must know what I look like, this is me (picture in top left hand corner). Now I know what you’re thinking, but trust me, that’s just the illusion and greatness of taking a picture from the front. From the side I’m a tubbykins. Why do they call those things love handles when there is nothing to love about them? Yeah I have those too.

I think I might get myself a personal trainer. And I love beaches so I just might start taking some runs there as well. The more I think about it and plan the more fun it seems. Might even take some Zumba classes. I lack coordination though. But it looks like fun! Really, I just want to look and feel great. Not for anyone, but for myself….and mostly because I want to look good naked. Come on, who doesn’t?