Folks fail to realize how tiring it is to be angry all the time. It’s such an energy absorbing emotion and I honestly can’t keep up with it anymore. I had to delete a previous post because my “fuck it” kicked in at the moment. Really, I don’t have the time. I have a daughter to handle and I cant afford to return home, after a long day, seething about something I cannot control. Financial wise aside, I feel like a single mother. Well, according tot he government, I AM a single mother. So I guess I should. I’d like for someone to text me and ask me “How am I doing.” No, not “How’s the baby,” Not “What’s the baby doing,” None of that. The baby is fine. She has been fine. What about her mother? I mean, she obviously didn’t get here on her own. Some of you may be saying, well, isn’t that why you have a boyfriend. Because boyfriends are supposed to take the stress away and make you feel good about yourself, and say just the right things even if they are some of the stupidest things they could think of saying. But no. I’m in love with an oblivious jackass, so no, I don’t get that. So, I go hone stressed, deal with constantly nagging relatives, a baby, school work, the stifling reminder that I am unemployed, and the person you expect to pop in and say something as simple as “It’s okay babe” or some sappy shit like that, can’t do it because his seconds are apparently caught up doing other things that come before me.
And I’m tired of it. I’m not going to talk about it anymore. No more posts, no more texts, no more calls, no more hints. Nothing.
Taking an extended emotional vacation.