The Miley Wop

I change my avatar more than *Insert witty comparison here*. But that’s not what I wanted to talk about.

I was supposed to write on this a while back when I first discovered it. Apparently, Miley Cyrus decided to do a “twerking” video to the song “Wop” by J Dash. I never heard of the song until I saw the video. I only watched the video because I was curious. People were making such a big deal about it that I felt like it was my duty to see what all the HOOBLAH was about.

It wasn’t worth the hype.

What I expected to see was Miley, in a skimpy outfit, butt out, looking like a tramp, shaking her booty for the world to see. Maybe even go on her head for a moment and butt hump the wall.

But she didnt.

She was fully clothed. Literally. She was in a unicorn body suit, even though fools have mistaken it for a frog. I don’t even know how. The only thing that was off, was that her boobs were trying to twerk as well because she wasn’t wearing a bra “Obviously”. Oh yeah, she bent over and shook her rump a little too.

The video was more hilarious to me than anything else. Hell, it was even kind of cool. She looked like she thoroughly enjoyed herself and I want a full body animal suit to “WOP” in as well.

Yes, I want to learn that dance and do it as well. Because I can. And how dare you question why.

The best part of the video was that you didn’t even KNOW it was Miley until the very end when she threw off the hoody. So, if she had just left it on, no one would have a thing to say. But, because people can’t let the celebrities live in peace, they just had to go pick on Miley.

While we are talking about her, I’m sad that she is leaving Liam. Why? Because she took too long to do it. I wanted Liam. Liam is so fine. mmmmmmmm

*BAD HORMONES, STOP IT*

*wipes drool* I’m sorry.

I thought they would make it though. But guess all good things have to come to an end. Hope she grows back out her hair though.

Peace.

Here is the video

New New New

So I am working on becoming a new and improved me. I think it’s about that time. I got a lot out of my system and am now renovating myself. I figure, if I put my best foot forward with this then it will lead to a better and brighter future. For one, I need to break out of my shell completely and go sky diving, but perhaps I should try being less of an introvert. I’m terribly antisocial. I don’t get along with people, especially females, and while I do not necessarily want to change this, I would like to tweak it a little. Who knows, I may have been missing out on meeting some great people because I was always so locked up in myself.

I also got back on the horse and starting writing once again. I am almost at the limit I set for myself as well. Every week, I need to to atleast 9 pages on the story I was working on. I want to hit Chapter 14 before mid April, and then I can start uploading them every week again. This way, I stay ahead of my updates, and ready for the next each and every time. I’m happy with this. Weight loss? I’m in no rush anymore. In fact, I think I may leave the ROTC program that I joined. It’s not for me. I’m not interested in the military and I Can’t finish the whole program anyways because I’m graduating right around the corner. I’ll take my PE classes like I should or PLS. And, I’ll try to hit the gym or at least run around my neighborhood. At home, I can do what I can. Eating healthier will forever take time. So will drinking so much water but If I practice then I know I can do it.

Love? I’m putting love on hold. I need to focus on ME instead of WE because obviously he is focusing on HIM while I’m over here giving myself an aneurysm for no reason. My daughter is who needs my ultimate focus right now. Everyone else can pretty much wait. If not, then oh well.

Personal social networks are dead to me. All they do is put thoughts in my head that don’t need to be there. As such, I’ve already long deleted my twitter and I’m about to say bye bye to facebook. I’ll keep the facebook page for this site however because I like to have more than one outlet. But it won’t be personal use obviously. It will be for my writing whether it is poems, short stories, blog updates and the like.

So, yeah, I did a lot of thinking especially after talking to those closest to me. I’m not doing anything I don’t want to do either so if anyone decides to stop speaking to me for whatever reason then oh well. It’s my life, I shall live it how I want. I need to focus on me. It’s about time I did.  and I’m starting……………

Now.

Being Angry

Folks fail to realize how tiring it is to be angry all the time. It’s such an energy absorbing emotion and I honestly can’t keep up with it anymore. I had to delete a previous post because my “fuck it” kicked in at the moment. Really, I don’t have the time. I have a daughter to handle and I cant afford to return home, after a long day, seething about something I cannot control. Financial wise aside, I feel like a single mother. Well, according tot he government, I AM a single mother. So I guess I should. I’d like for someone to text me and ask me “How am I doing.” No, not “How’s the baby,” Not “What’s the baby doing,” None of that. The baby is fine. She has been fine. What about her mother? I mean, she obviously didn’t get here on her own. Some of you may be saying, well, isn’t that why you have a boyfriend. Because boyfriends are supposed to take the stress away and make you feel good about yourself, and say just the right things even if they are some of the stupidest things they could think of saying. But no. I’m in love with an oblivious jackass, so no, I don’t get that. So, I go hone stressed, deal with constantly nagging relatives, a baby, school work, the stifling reminder that I am unemployed, and the person you expect to pop in and say something as simple as “It’s okay babe” or some sappy shit like that, can’t do it because his seconds are apparently caught up doing other things that come before me.

And I’m tired of it. I’m not going to talk about it anymore. No more posts, no more texts, no more calls, no more hints. Nothing.

Sincerely,

Taking an extended emotional vacation.

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My body is ready

I’ve been editing the story I have been writing and semi-neglecting. Now and again I lose the ability to keep focused, but I’ve been getting it back. So, I was pretty focused for like an hour today and while writing I found myself inexplicably turned on by what I was writing. Why? Because I am too aware that it will be some time before I get to indulge in the very thing I am writing about. And, the more I think about it, the more it both frustrates and entices me. I guess I am a glutton for punishment. I blame my friend abigahil for this. She insisted that I write erotic short stories and now that’s all my head is filled with. Am I the only one that envisions myself and the person I am interested in as the characters in the story? I hope not.

So, I’m here, reading and writing and thinking to myself that when I see my boyfriend again I might find myself backflipping into the bed, striking and pose and whispering “Come, my body is ready.”

Peace.

My body is ready

Hell on Heels

So, after reading “The Complete Guide to Not giving a fuck” two weeks ago, I decided to step out of my shell a little ( I posted it for everyone to read).

I showed up to auditions for my University’s fashion show, but honestly, I only had intentions to work backstage. The head of Student activities (and my past boss) suggested that I put my height (5’10 – 5’11) to use and take part in the show….and she also said only losers worked backstage. How rude. But regardless, under normal circumstances I would have ignored her completely, huffed at the statement, and not try out at all. However, I decided to give it a go.

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I can’t walk in heels.

Or rather, I never owned heels and never had a reason to walk in them.

But…Oh well. Who cares. I’ve seen people look like an utter mess in heels and they still give it a go so why shouldn’t I? I threw all fucks to the side and did it.

I’m coming out! I want the world to know, gonna let it show! *strut, strut*

I bought a new pair of heels and I’m gonna practice the hell out them. It’s not about the walk. It’s the confidence. I think
that’s my largest flaw. But, I’ve grown so tired of feeling like I’m under the bridge compared to others.  Worst of all, I’m almost 6’3 in these shoes. It’s a long way down if I happen to trip and fall and may the lord have mercy on my ankles. Still, I made a commitment and I am going to see it through until I either break a leg or get the boot.

Until then, I’ll be strutting these long legs around for the world to see.

The Complete Guide to Not Giving a Fuck

Ok, I have a confession to make.

 
I have spent almost my whole life– 20 years– caring far too much about offending people, worrying if I’m cool enough for them, or asking myself if they are judging me.

 
I can’t take it anymore. It’s stupid, and it’s not good for my well being. It has made me a punching bag– a flighty, nervous wuss. But worse than that, it has made me someone who doesn’t take a stand for anything. It has made me someone who stood in the middle, far too often, and not where I cared to stand, for fear of alienating others. No more. Not today.

 
Today, ladies and gentlemen, is different.

 
We’re going to talk about the cure. We’re going to talk about what’s necessary. We’re going to talk about the truth.
Do you wonder if someone is talking shit about you? Whether your friends will approve? Have you become conflict-avoidant? Spineless?

Well, it’s time you started not giving a fuck.

 People are judging you right now.

Yes, it’s really happening right at this moment. Some people don’t like you, and guess what? There’s nothing you can do about it. No amount of coercion, toadying, or pandering to their interests will help. In fact, the opposite is often true; the more you stand for something, the more they respect you, whether it’s grudgingly or not.

What people truly respect is when you draw the line and say “you will go no further.” They may not like this behavior  but so what? These are people don’t like you anyway, why should you attempt to please people who don’t care for you in the first place?

The first noble truth is that most people don’t even care that you’re alive. Embrace this, my friends, for it is true freedom. The world is vast and you are small, and therefore you may do as you wish and cast your thoughts of those who dislike it to the side.

 You don’t need everyone to like you.

Check this out: when people don’t like you, nothing actually happens. The world does not end. You don’t feel them breathing down your neck. In fact, the more you ignore them and just go about your business, the better off you are.

What you have to do, what you have no choice but to do, is accept it and move on.

It’s your people that matter.

The people who do care about you, and no one else, are those you need to focus on.

Relationships are weird. Once we’re in one (with family, a spouse, whatever), we promptly begin to take the other person for granted and move on to impressing strangers instead– say, our boss. Then, once we’ve impressed our boss, we start taking him for granted too, and so on, in an endless cycle of apathy. It’s like we always prefer to impress and charm the new than to work on what we already have.

But these people– your champions– they understand your quest or your cause. They make you feel good when you’re around them, make you laugh or make you feel like you can just be yourself. They make you feel relaxed or at ease. You’ve shared things with them. They’re important. Focus on them instead.

 Those who don’t give a fuck change the world. The rest do not.

What it takes to move past anything is to simply realize that your obstacle is unimportant, and that it can be dismissed. This is true whether you’re running a marathon or trying to get to Mars.

If you dismiss the things that do not matter; if you remove those things from your mind and focus on what must be done; if you understand that your time is limited and decide to work now; only then will you be able to get to the finish line. Otherwise, you will be dissuaded into living a life you aren’t interested in.

Side note: You need to handle failure and obscurity better. You may be in a tough place right now where you feel lonely or like a loser. No worries, we’ve all been there. But it’s time for you to realize how common these things are, and that they’re experienced by even the most successful and happiest people in the world. Those people get past them, and you will too.

The eye is watching

You want to know something? This actually has nothing to do with anyone else. It has everything to do with you.

Everyone has an internetal eye. It always watching. It has been slowly constructed by society at large and by your friends and family, and it checks you for unacceptable behaviour. If you have had it around for long enough, you actually start to believe that the eye is you, and that you’re “being reasonable” or some other rationalization.

But the eye isn’t you at all. It is a prison, and you have justified its existence by obeying it. It’s strong because you let it be strong.

But the secret, the part that’s amazing, is that it can’t do anything to stop you, even if it wanted to. It’s an eye. It can only watch. The rest of you is free to act as you wish.

Do things that you consider embarrassing.

As I said at the beginning of this post, I am deeply aware and can become quite upset by people’s judgment– I think a lot of people are, but don’t admit it.

Find your internal filters and break them, one at a time.

Accept, or deal with, awkwardness.

It’s widely known that interviewers get their best material by being quiet and allowing silence to force words out of a politician or celebrity.

You may be uncomfortable with silence. I know I still am. But I have been working on it and have to say that it is a much more serene state to be in than trying to cover it up with random babbling just to fill up the air. This is one type of awkwardness, a kind that you should feel comfortable about and learn to live with.

Another kind of social awkwardness is this in-between space where you might have done something wrong or been wronged, but don’t say anything. I’ve been given a few harsh lessons in my time and come away realizing that the freedom that comes from talking about an uncomfortable truth is better than the comfort of avoiding that talk altogether.
Someone told me recently that the Clintons’ method for earning respect in politics is this: if someone pushes you, push back twice as hard. This is much better than awkwardness. It’s clear, it’s not passive aggressive, and you know where you stand.

Refuse boundaries.

Walk where you want to walk. Don’t accept false choices. Don’t let people dictate how you should live your life. Definitely don’t listen to the eye.

Tell the truth.

You don’t need to be an asshole, but the world does not need another conflict-avoidant, evasive person. No one wants another individual who steps in line with everyone else. The status quo is doing fine without you, so it’s up to you to call bullshit if you see it.

Don’t mind-read either. Telling the truth means seeing the truth, not adding your own layer of sugar coating or suspected emotion on top of it.

Begin your new life.

This step can’t happen without the others, but once you’ve gotten here, you can safely begin to explore a whole new world– one where anything you do is fine as long as it isn’t seriously hurting anyone else. Wanna explore old abandoned buildings? No problem, as long as you’re ready to live with the consequences. Feel like hanging from hooks or get whipped by a dominatrix? Go ahead, but be safe about it.

Once you begin on this path, you start to discover that practically everyone is capable of understanding the weird things that you do. In fact, it makes you interesting and worth paying attention to, further feeding into your plans of world domination, should you have any.

But none of this fun can happen without you recognizing, and walking past, the eye. Doing this is a powerful act of control which builds momentum and makes you strong.

Take back your self respect. Do it today– try it right now. Wear something ugly. Do something stupid. Tell someone the truth.

It doesn’t fucking matter.