If there was ever a song that would perfectly describe how I feel about my relationship, it would be “I wanna grow old with you” by Westlife. I try not to be overly sappy, but there has never been a song that speaks so clearly to me. It was to the point that I Actually cried listening to it, and like the fool that I am, I had the song on repeat so the tears didn’t stop any time. As a matter of fact, I’m laying here right now (or was by the time yall read this) tearing up, and singing along in the worst, sobbing, hysterical voice right now.
“Another day Without your smile. Another day just passes by, But now I know How much it means For you to stay Right here with me”
It’s been ten very long months without him. I know people are probably thinking “that’s not very long” but truth be told, we’re almost always separated. When we first got together I wasn’t there to spend Christmas with him, then there was school, then summer came and I was on vacation again. We managed to spend one Christmas together and in February, he was gone, and I haven’t seen him since.
“The time we spent apart will make our love grow stronger But it hurt so bad I can’t take it any longer”
I’ve been doing a great job at holding it together in front of everyone. And we have a daughter, the most beautiful little girl I’ve ever seen, and who knows when she’ll see him. I keep hoping for the coming summer because we already know he won’t be here for Christmas. The joys of the military huh. It really hurts you know. Not seeing him. I look forward to hearing his voice every time, even if it’s just for two measly minutes it’s better than nothing. I try not to let myself cry, and I hide his statuses on facebook. Yeah, I don’t want to see. If I have to, I’ll just go on his page when I feel like it, but I can’t take having to see him pop up, always right when I’m thinking about him, and then having to go sob like a big baby because I get all emotional. But when it comes down to it, when we see each other again, I’m going to cherish every waking moment.
“A thousand miles between us now. It causes me to wonder how Our love tonight remains so strong.It makes our risk right all along”
I wish he were stationed in America. At least then the chances of seeing him would have been greater, but he’s not. Our luck is terrible. Of course he would be stationed in Germany. Another country, five/six hour difference. When I’m asleep, he’s just waking up. We’re lucky to be up at the same time. If I’m up with him, he has to work, and then he’s probably too tired after that. I’m okay with a good morning/good night text here and there. At least he’s thinking of me. I send him pictures everyday. Even if we don’t talk, I like him to know I’m thinking of him too. Always. Every minute.
“Things can come and go I know but Baby I believe Something’s burning strong between us”
I get a lot of questions about our relationship. I get a lot of doubts as well. How long will it last? How soon before the distance becomes too much? Will you get married? What if he’s cheating on you? I try not to think about any of these things. We’re in love. I know it, he knows it. We don’t harass each other online. There’s no need. People wonder about that too. They always have something negative to comment about. We don’t need to broadcast it to the world.
Him and I, we used to argue so much. Majority of it was me and my insecurities. I always had a problem with something. That’s changed. I couldn’t tell you the last time we fought. There’s nothing to fight about. I can’t stand to see couples fighting over little things now. You should be grateful you have your loved one so close to you. Enjoy it. You never know when you’ll end up separated.
“I wanna grow old with you I wanna die lying in your arms. I wanna grow old with you I wanna be looking in your eyes. I wanna be there for you, Sharing everything you do.”
For now, I’ll settle with what I can get. Damn I miss him. He’s always worried our daughter willl cry when she finally sees him. Truth be told, the two of them will probably be laughing and I’ll be the one in tears. I just want my family whole again. I’ll be counting down the days until that time comes.
“I wanna grow old with you”